My new videos in the rare snowy day.

I took a few videos in my favorite place, in the forest/hill near the place I grew up. Just walking in the forest with some snow, and my thoughts.. check it out.

The first one is at the Observatory.

Then walking in the forest 2 videos.

Thanks for checking out my videos,

Mr. H.

This Pain (part 1 and 2)

Hi folks,

Here are my new Compositions.
Divided into two separate songs,

This Pain (part 1)

and This Pain [part 2]

The lyrics are contained in the videos.
I hope you like and enjoy my songs.
Thank you.

Mr. H.

My Guitar and some Vocal Covers

Just want to share some of my vocal or guitar covers that I recorded,
The Who - Sparks (And some parts of Underture from Tommy album, improvisation.)

My attempt at The Art Of Shredding SCREAM from Pantera.

The ending of TOOL's Flood my vocal cover.

Part of the song I Can't - from W.A.S.P. my vocal cover.

the story, NZ euphoria heaven

 EUPHORIA & New Zealand [Revery]

To begin with my NZ story, I have to start with the summer of 2007. When I returned from Calgary (Canada), where I was studying English and had fun. Let me tell you about the girl I love. I only spoke to her last 5 days or so. But Frank actually told me that she liked me. I fell in love with her. On the airport was the last time I saw my Taiwanese friends. I bid farewell and we waved goodbye. I was sad because my beloved and I were parted.I had this problem with sleeping which I think is called the acclimatization.Of course after Canada began my love toward all the people, because I found out that God is love and that we need to love each other even as the Lord loves us. Then my interest to learn English had become very ardent.After my return from Canada I started to loathe and abhor my country or maybe even before that. So I planned to re-locate to another country, where I could use the language, that I love. I read some English novels. I read James Joyce's "A Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Man" which I enjoyed a lot and "Ulysses" I read first in Czech and then in English. And "To the lighthouse" from Virginia Woolf. Both of which were experimental works, and very good. Time passed and in beginning of 2008 I bought a precious book - The Holy Bible in English (Authorized King James Version with Apocrypha), which I read every day. I sort of vowed that I will read the books only in English since 2007, inasmuch as I dislike the czech language.

So when I returned from Canada I couldn't sleep at night so I had a conversation with 〃Z e k i 〃 (黃柏瑞) ; (she had the same problem) on the messenger. In Calgary I started to be fond of her and also of my other Taiwanese friends. But I couldn't tell her directly that I loved her, because I was too timid and shy.Only after I returned from New Zealand, I wrote her a letter, proposing to her, saying I love her and I want to marry her (Was I foolish?), which she boldly showed to her boyfriend. And then told me ‘I showed it to my boyfriend Caris. Am I evil?’ I get it, you don’t love me in a romantic way…I was in Paris with my father and some guy asked me to wish something, while he attached some bracelet to my arm. I wished that one day in the future me and Zeki would be together. Howbeit this did not come true, although I saw her once again in New Zealand.I also sort of vowed that if it won't happen with Zeki (If we won't get married), then I shall remain chaste and unmarried ever after. No gal can possibly want me anyway.
In process of time, in November she told me that she will be studying in Dunedin, New Zealand. Then she wrote me her new address and this: (^.^) I was very glad.At Christmas I was little bit ill. I listened to the album "Quadrophenia" by The Who, a lot. It is very good music. I even sang it when I was snowboarding in the Austrian Alps, where we were during Christmas. 'Let me flow into the oceans. Let me be stormy and let me be calm.'("Drowned")After Christmas she wrote me a beautiful postcard and a letter with merry Christmas wish. And a postcard of Tapei 101, the tallest Taiwan skyscraper. It said that she is glad that we still keep in touch (via Messenger) and that Oh! maybe I could come to New Zealand to study English and go out together! She didn't like her coloured house and she said she wanted to go out with me. Sounds promising. The Postcard was with the picture of Taipei, her home town. Wow! That was the first time a girl sent me something like this. Never before! I fell even more in love with her.I was so glad that she didn't forget to write to me. I told her that I had a same problem with girls like her that I did not talk to them (She didn't like the boys). Karen asked her whether she is a lesbian. To this I replied 'Karen is queer.' ‘Yeah.’ she said.I really thought she likes me. She said I am funny! We chatted on a messenger about lots of things. For instance about her family, her sister, about movies. I like Miyazaki's movies so we talked about them. His movies made me cry! Especially "Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi". She said that she liked that movie, but she didn't like 'that boy'.So I began to prepare things to New Zealand. Of course I heard that Dunedin is very beauteous city and that the great albatrosses are there. I discovered it from the lectures of Wilder Smith, who had been in Dunedin many times, to admire the wonderful creatures of God - the albatrosses and other animals. He died in 1995. So New Zealand was like a paradise to me. I decided that I would go there and study there at the university — this was rather a foolish idea. But you will hear about my New Zealand holiday later.My hatred towards my school grew greater and greater. Towards the ending of a school year I was determined to leave that school forever. My grades were terrible by the end of the school year. And I was troublesome in the class. One teacher expelled me from the class, because I was yelling during the lesson. He was very angry with me. I didn't care. I made a riot and was dangerously playing with a bottle in my classroom. I was very wild then, let me tell you. My teacher wondered what is happening to me. 'Is there some girl, Joseph?', she inquired. You bet there was! I didn't tell her anything, of course. The truth is that I was in Love with the damsel, who was on the other hemisphere!When I told that to my parents they were sad & angry, especially my father, who when he had heard that I want to stop going to that school hurled the Bible I had given him against me. Nevertheless he allowed me to travel to New Zealand, for which I am immensely grateful.
You will see that she had another guy named Caris. How could she love me? Impossible.I told my friend Jerry from Taiwan (哦...** 哦...**) that I am going to New Zealand to Zeki, and he asked if I want to marry her? I said Yes. He said wow, good luck. Never mind.We talked a lot on messenger, after that as well, that it seemed she fancied me... And even after my return from NZ I wrote her a love letter, proposing to her, as I said, I wrote her I will come in the next year 2009, I think. But the thing is I did not come there.This was actually not so euphoric, I mean the time before NZ. Because my dad told me that he has not enough money for me to study in Dunedin. Therefore I shut myself in the dark place and prayed and cried unto the Lord.I think I started to live more godly in April 2008, as I had forsaken some evil habits of mine which caused me to sin… I totally stopped watching pornography, self-indulgence, and drinking alcohol, and smoking. I really succeeded to relinquish it. I thought — there's got to be a way to re-locate to Dunedin and to meet her, I can manage it somehow.I call this true story "My encounters with heavenly bliss", you'll find out why.- + - + - + -So I set off to New Zealand. It was an amazing journey, indeed. The flight from Prague was all right. I must admit that I fasted all through my journey and I slept just one night in England, just a little bit (not really a sleep at all).In fact, I decided to fast many days, mainly because of my grandfather, he was dying when I went to NZ. I liked my grandpa, he used to help me with my Surveying subjects in school, cartography, map-making and Geodesy because he went to the University of Geodesy, and I was in the Secondary school for surveying, so he was helping me with my tasks, and homeworks. I was very fond of my grandpa. He died when I was in Dunedin, which made me sad. So one of the reason why I fasted was for him, and for my grandma, who was mute and disabled. Also for my life situation, and my goal of re-locating to NZ. I really wanted to stay there.Due to this maybe God gave me this peculiar feelings of euphoria and so on. In London I accidentally lost my passport, which was eventually found by some policemen, fortunately. I had some problems in London. Because I did not have a visa to Los Angeles so they had to change my flight to via Hong Kong. I was waiting for the flight all the afternoon. I listened to my ipod, namely, Tool's Ænima album. Then I was told that the flight was postponed till next day. We were in the aircraft and then they sent us away. I waited for the bus that took me to the hotel. I talked with some guy from the airport saying 'where is the girl?' I really enjoyed talking to that fellow. There were some guys with a small guitar and they played "Hey Jude" on the way to the hotel. The driver of the bus thought they were drunk. I laughed. They handed me the key to my room and I went there. Now the hotel was very luxurious. I met some Asian girl, that was looking for her room number. 'The room is supposed to be here.' I said. 'Enjoy your night' or something like that she said to me. In the morning I saw some message on the television which was weird, but never mind. I think it said something about the breakfast, but I did not eat anything, as I mentioned. I told this to the psychiatrists or shrink in Dunedin. By that time the eerie feelings had started. I was a bit timid for the people all around me were talking. I was on my own, no one spoke to me. I didn't mind too much. So on the morrow we took off and flew to Hong Kong. On this journey the eerie sensations and feelings increased. I was given some chocolate-box, but I left it in my hotel room in Dunedin later. I said to my neighbour on the plane that it is bad for my teeth. He laughed at this.During the flight to Hong Kong and to Auckland I had these euphoric feelings and sensations. I felt almost like dying, but when the flight attendant came with some water, my soul revived. Also at that time I was saying within myself some Bible verses, because I thought that heaven was very near and I need to pray. I thought that I was going to heaven on that plane. I thought we're going to some black hole, where time doesn't flow. But it was not the time yet. I recalled something from Wilder Smith's sermon, wherein he mentioned that in Black Holes there is no time, and it might be where God and his kingdom is. Interesting notion, I thought.Now I know, seeing I had survived, that I have yet some purpose on this Earth, but my desire is to return to that place.In Hong Kong the plane did refuel. We had waited there about 2 hours. Some waiting folks were wallowing on the ground.
As I was listening to some classical music (the New Zealand orchestra) I wept and cried. It was very intense. And when I looked around almost everybody was crying too! Isn't it strange? As though everyone was praying. I really do not know what was happening. This was the most euphoric moment in my entire life! It was utter heaven, although crying, I witnessed the beauty, through music and I felt heaven. The most blissful moment in my life, was during listening to classical music, accompanied by lachrymose emotions. Oh God, it was so soul-touching, but it was the most intense moment in my life, utterly Heaven-like.Now I know that dying (I thought I was dying) isn't at all painful. But it set you free, it seemed I was being translated to heaven and I was afraid. Also I had a feeling at that time like I was conceiving a child in birthpangs. Let me tell you, that these feeling were far better than mere worldly pleasures. I realised then, something from the Bible: 'that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the LORD doth man live.' And some other things from Bible did I realise, mainly Jesus' sayings. Like 'Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.' So I had this on my mind and these God's words kept me alive. By the way, Maynard James Keenan (Tool) sang about euphoria in the song "Undertow". I was high up above in the sky so the listening to music was intensified thereby. I mean, do you realise how much I was in heaven, all the time in New Zealand? Not only in that plane. Hard to describe these feelings in the plane, 'The Gates of Delirium' (a song from Yes) comes to mind, but this was more than delirium, this was pure heavenly bliss.I also had a glass of wine. I read that In vino veritas (In wine is the truth.) When I arrived in Auckland I went through immigration process, where I filled in couple of papers. It took me quite a while, you know. I wasn't sure about some things. The man thought I didn't understand it, so he told me something in Russian. There was a question what is the purpose of my visit — I ticked 'to give birth.'... I’m not sure why. So they approved me and put a stamp on it until around the year 2064! Which was kind of weird. However in my passport there was I have only a visa for 3 months, so I don't know what the heck the year 2064 mean.In Auckland I stayed a long time waiting for my flight to Dunedin. I really thought I am in heaven, so I wrote a message to my parents, and my dad said what I wrote them was very weird. So what, I thought I am in heaven, and I wanted to let people know. It was night and I felt no need to sleep, even though I haven't slept for a very long time. I think I just bought some hot chocolate, but nothing more.I thought: Life must be some kind of a game. Maybe the life is a game. But what I thought was that it will be over soon, but it appears that we have still some time. There was many people meeting each other so happily and hugging. They cried, also. All of a sudden I became so sad & lonely, because there was nobody there to meet me. I imagined I would meet there some familiar friends. I wanted to play with some little kids, but they were too fast for me.I felt like a conqueror and that I was almost at the end.I remembered Tool's lyrics: 'they're both totally void of hate.' ("H.")  and indeed, the people were so kind, amiable and friendly.At the airport I remember there were some guys doing karate or some martial art, it looked formidable to me, but I was not so afraid. I trusted God. I was so infatuated that I would do anything just to get there. I exchanged some money into New Zealand dollars. I gave some kid a good deal of money to play video games. I just wandered around inside the airport and I heard someone say 'Fucking airport!'. And Yes, the airport was a bit of a labyrinth.  I thought that any moment God's intervention will happen.Before the flight I just sat and waited and read the Bible. Yea, I was really walking with God then. I think it was there, when we went through some gate and it seemed like the gate to heaven. (Genesis 28:17) In my flight to Dunedin there was a strange odour or perfume in that plane and it set me on fire. This perfume roused in me a sexual desire. It went away soon. The guy beside me with some lass were viewing a laptop. I sat and read the Bible — The Song of songs and the beginning of Isaiah. As the light from the window shone upon my Bible, it brought me understanding. I realised that I am sick of love as it is in Solomon's song. I didn't know how to express my love. It sufficed that I came to Dunedin. I thought that I would obtain some consolation, because I made it to Dunedin, the longest journey possible, if only the hand of my beloved I would get, but I didn't. In my imagination was that my beloved will meet me there. I looked out of the window and saw the most beautiful land. The land that floweth with milk and honey, I thought. The hills were covered with the snow and I imagined it is like the milk. I saw sheep and the cattle also. And it just complemented the semblance of paradise. I was totally happy, and euphoric at that time. Oh God! I cannot describe it, but it was utmost beauty that I witnessed, the land was the paradise itself. And the euphoria persisted my entire stay in NZ! O I really thought I was in paradise when I arrived in Dunedin.I have to mention that the Dunedin hotel's e-mail address, where I was supposed to lodge in, was containing Paradise in it! In my reveries it was like arriving in Paradise. The hotel was called 'Chalet Backpackers' and I just read recently that the hotel has rumours of a Ghost. I didn't know that at that time, I only read it just in 2015! Now that is really uncanny. A weird coincidence because what happened to me after I left the hotel, could be described as a Ghostlike rapture. Perhaps the ghost was me, that they talked about in the book (The book was written years later after my stay in NZ) . God, I really felt that a Ghost entered me after I scut from the hotel. I felt some supernatural power in me, as if I was invincible.Everyone was so nice in the Dunedin! I saw the world through rose-coloured glasses because I was in love, maybe. I put my bags into my room and went out only in T-shirt.Although it was winter then, I just didn't feel cold. Anyway, I felt like running. Moreover I felt like a superman/superhero at that time, I really did. I ran as fast as I could and found a Celtic cross which symbolized the eternal life as I examined it. Marvelous. There was the year 2000 on it. I thought about the millennium, which is spoken of in the book of revelation chapter 20. — a thousand years of peace. I thought that it had begun in 2000 and that I got to Paradise. I figured that I gained immortality. I thought: Did I just arrive in the city of immortals? I ran past the railway station, which was a magnificent building. I was awestruck with the beauty of the edifice. I greeted some people, which were treading around. If I could describe my happiness and contentment, you would be filled with amazement. It was like the rapture.And then I started to run very fast, as I felt the tremendous power in me, it must have been some energy and strength from God. Too bad I felt this only during my time in NZ. But I praise God for giving me this utter bliss, and power. Praying only I will feel this again! I ended up in a parking lot area with cars. I found an open car, and I got inside and started the engine (for the keys were inside). There was a sign saying "for lease".
I thought then, that I can just take the car. I didn't realise, that I had actually stolen the car. The song 'Break on through (to the other side)' by The Doors was playing in the radio when I started the engine and I put the volume of the music way louder as I was accelerating. and I thought that the spirit of Jim Morrison was in that car. What a crazy idea, I admit it. Inside the car were nutshells scattered. I thought also, that I can drive through that wall and nothing would happen to me. Game over? I thought I am in a Dream. They said that my velocity was about 110 Km/h when I crashed into the wall. I sped up the car more and more and I thought I was invincible. I didn't realise that the police car was chasing me. So I crashed into the wall. Why did I do it? I thought I was in some other world. I was in trance, so I guess I just did not know what I was doing, I swear I didn't know what I was doing... Revery or a Dream? I was in a dream paradise, while awake.Furthermore I was imagining myself as a superhero like Hancock and that I should do some stunt. Hence, the crushing of the car. I assure you, that I thought I would just drive through the wall without any harm.Later the nurse Peter showed me an article about my accident. Those people wrote that '18-year-old drunken Czech tourist...' I wasn't drunken at all. I lost that article none the less. But I recently found it on the internet. So they lied about it, because they cannot explain spiritual things.- + - + - + -When the ambulance came I shouted the Tool's lyrics, namely "the grudge", on the way to the hospital. (I was transported on a gurney, I presume) So that's why they sent me to Wakari hospital (Mental Hospital). They said that I ranted something about the position of Saturn, but that's just a part of the Tool's lyrics...'Saturn comes back around to show you everythingLet's you choose what you will not see and thenDrags you down like a stone or lifts you up againSpits you out like a child, light and innocent.''Saturn ascends, the one, the ten. Ignorant to the damage done. 'I think I was shouting something from these lyrics, as TOOL was my most favorite band.I was saying something about the serpent and Jesus Christ. Basically I was shouting about salvation, the snake being a symbol for Satan, and that Jesus defeated him, I think I was shouting this from my dazed and comatose state, because I thought I was being translated into Heaven. But the basis was from the aforementioned song ‘H.’ from TOOL band.I mentioned later the song "H.". This song was very essential for me, and I said that I was "H." just for fun on facebook. You can call me "H.". My communication with the nurses was good. I answered all their questions. First thing after I awoke from coma was that I realised a peculiar New Zealand accent. i.e. they pronounced head as "heed". Pretty funny, I thought. I needed to piss so bad, but I wasn't permitted to go, as they thought that I broke my back or neck, so I pissed into some bottle they gave me. What a relief! They told me to rest my hand on something. I then recalled some Tool's lyrics: 'Rest your trigger on my finger',("Pushit") because I listened to Tool very frequently. This felt so good, just to hear my favorite language gives me a real pleasure! No kidding I was in heaven. Then they put me into some machine, which I don't know for what it was, but they said something like die. It was some kind of a tunnel. I said Noooo, I don't wanna die! I was so confused, that I thought they want to kill me. But in fact they saved my life! At first they thought that my both legs were broken. It was indeed a miracle, that I did not kill myself. I was merely bruised a bit. As I put my hand on my hair a few tufts of mine hair were cut off, because I banged my head against the glass windshield of the car and the glass splinters were underneath my skin. And I think even several years after my accident I was “shedding” glass from beneath my skin on forehead and my elbow, because the doctors did not manage to remove the glass splinters from underneath my skin.Then I talked with some doctor or psychiatrist and I was very hungry then. He gave me some food, but when I tasted it, just one morsel, I felt like vomiting, because I haven't eaten food for a long time. So I went to the toilet and I retched only, without emetic discharge. I was not ready to eat at that moment. I told him about the Tool band that they were like a gospel to me. He knew about the album 10000 days. Also the doctors wrote in their report that I mentioned that famous Tool's sentence: 'All this pain is an illusion.' from "Parabola". Which at that time sounded so real to me, as I did not feel any pain back then, only bliss! Then I mentioned Jim Morrison (In that car break on through was playing in the radio) he said 'Yes Jim Morrison has done a lot of things'. Then someone brought me to another hospital called Wakari Hospital. They gave me a cup of water and I bit the foam cup into pieces, perhaps because I was nervous. I mean I thought I am in Heaven itself, and this is welcome to Heaven, so I was like what’s next?‘’Being crazy in Paradise is easy’’ as in one W.A.S.P. song lyrics, was actually true in my case!'This is the ward' said the nurse. And I felt like she introduced me to the Paradise when she said that and showed me around the ward. I was in ward 9B for some three/four weeks I think. And I always anticipated that the date on the paper will take me to some even more amazing place, or something great will happen. First days on the ward I had meetings with doctors fairly often. I was lying on my bed and just waited for the nurse to show up. I felt again the bliss as I lay there. I was thirsty, yet I knew that someone will bring a cup of water soon, so I waited while the bliss lingered on. Yea I felt very good all the time in Dunedin, NZ. The bliss was amazing. The warmth rushed into my body as I lay there, waiting for someone to come and bring me water or take me to some Psychiatrist appointment. I lay there again with the state of libido and some loony woman was banging into the wall right beside my ‘cell’. Although it was more like a hotel room – it was very luxurious in the ward 9B, my room had its own water supply, I could drink water by pushing the button on the wall.The nurse gave me something through the needle into my finger and said: 'Suck it.' I wouldn't. Then they would bring me some lovely cake into my room, which I relished.Then they changed my room, in the new room I had my own toilet. It was very good. I remember there was one beautiful and luxurious bathtub. They said I should take a bath and I had many bandages on my wounds and they said just soak it off and after the bath they put new bandages on my wounds. The bathing in this cool big bathtub felt great. I felt like a king, because even in the ward of the mental hospital everything was so luxurious and modern and clean.Self-denial in a certain extent was necessary. Yet I ate a lot there. I must say that the food in NZ was delicious. I tasted peanut butter for the first time and it was great. The fish and chips, which I could buy nearby the hospital, was very good as well. And I also tried and relished sushi. The food in the ward — I loved it, I began to eat more due to my medication, probably. Something was like ambrosia for me. Even buns tasted great. A native nurse recommended me to eat marmite, because it is a "brain food". At first I didn't like it, but than I ate it with toast and with cheese for supper and like it the same as with ketchup.An inmate named Jesse said to me 'Welcome.' He prayed before eating. I heard afterwards that he escaped from the ward. The nurses had a problems with him. Once I saw a scene where he was kind of fighting with the nurse Peter, saying something about a “Fucking toilet”. And I am sure that he smoked grass with some girls. I can tell by the way they laughed. Those girls were somewhat foul-mouthed. "Fuck" was a common word. Once I attended a meeting. Funny thing was that a guy said: 'Thou shalt not smoke in the ward.' Pretty funny! You know that I enjoy this kind of English.I passed the days. One social worker charged me the iPod (I forgot to bring the charger). So I was very glad to listen to music again, the Bible and some lectures.I met there one lady, who had also the car accident some time ago. And surprisingly she had a similar scar on her forehead, just like me. I thought it must be some kind of a sign from God. She said she was shouting something from Megadeth. So it was similar to me. When you awake from coma you have the need to tell something the world, I guess. The lady's name was Meredith I think and I was very sad after she left the ward, she was very kind to me. She took my sweatshirt from the laundry and wore it. I said 'Keep it.' But when she knew it was mine, she insisted and I took it back. Short time afterwards I listened to Megadeth — "Rust in peace", which is very good album. I really like this kind of music. Especially the guitar solos. I met Dominic, who was a cool guy. He played the drums. I didn't understand everything he said to me, but I practiced spoken English good with him and with other inmates. He played the pool with the staff guy. The inmate called Rocky cleaned the kitchen. When he left they would say:—Where is Rocky when we need him.One day I had an opportunity to see the outside world. Me and some other patients went out for a van trip. It was very nice. I admired the beautiful scenery and we saw sheep, kine and other cattle. 'There are kine.' They were not familiar with this word. 'It is in my language.' I said jocularly. It is an archaic word for cows. Apparently, my zeal for old English is rare. I saw a junk yard and wondered whether the car I had destroyed was there. We stopped to have a look at the sea. I really adore the sea, so I was very happy and excited and I soaked my shoes in the water.As I thought I was in Paradise, needless to say, I thought that the scar on my forehead was the seal of God. Anyway, I desperately wanted to see Zeki. I even said to the nurse that I loved her. But she loved me only as a friend not as a lover/beau. I was still thinking that we can get married some day. The same nurse from Philippines asked me if I was a believer in God (Seeing me reading the Bible.). I said that I was. I wanted out of the hospital so bad. I told the Filipino nurse: ‘I really want to see this girl, can you let me out of the hospital?’ She replied negatively, I am not allowed to be out until my court session, I suppose. I told her ‘But I love her!’ I don’t remember what she replied.There were some good people there though. One day we were watching the Simpsons and Homer said 'assimilate' and we laughed. When we watched a Bruce Willis' movie "16 Blocks", I broke into a peal of laughter, so they stared at me and said: 'Hey, Joseph is laughing'. The black guy had a funny accent. We watched Liar Liar with Jim Carrey which was fun. One patient asked: 'Somebody is deaf or what? Are you deaf?' She didn't understand that I needed the subtitles for better comprehension. They laughed when Jim said 'Enjoy my wife!' Also I heard about the movie 'Liar Liar' before when I was watching certain Christian video on Youtube, and there was a picture of that movie after some bible verses. It was appropriate, I thought, since it was about telling the truth. In a hella funny way, though!Some student would come almost every day to have an interview with me and examine my case. He asked me bunch of questions. I kind of liked him. To look mysterious, when asked about the voices, I said I heard 'Kill Mary', but that was from the band Queensryche, very good song "Suite Sister Mary". I was making fun of those supposed ‘voices’ thing, which some people hear. I said I heard only voice from my ipod songs. Ha! He printed the lyrics and I was surprised by his effort. We also discussed my passion for Tool. We talked about "Lateralus", he explained something to me, expounding this song's meaning. He explained something to me, expounding this song's meaning. 'Black and white are all I see in my infancy, Red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me. Lets me see.' He said that when you are child everything is black and white and then it changes later in life. Anyway, it was good talking to him... And some mysterious guy with black suitcase came unto me when I was yet in 9B, and spoke to me. Everybody seemed to be interested in my case.One day some patient walked naked in the corridor and Peter came to him and said: 'It's alright, they might get bashful.' I have to mention also Michael who borrowed from me the Bible. He is a vegetarian and said that the meat might be poisoned. I thought it unlikely. He showed me something from the Bible — from Deuteronomy. Interesting, I said. Then I told him about the ten commandments: 'Thou shalt not covet' and he said he broke it in desiring his friend's cigarette... He told me: 'TV drains you.' I believe that and I don't watch TV. He sort of believe in God, too, but I think he experimented with New Age. When I asked him why was he in the hospital, he said he had some accident and something with aliens. Weird, huh? He gave me advice about my spiritual life and stuff like that. One thing I was not sure what he meant was that he told me after being asked what should I do : 'Worship angels.' He said, that the shower is very cleansing. And he saith after going out for a smoke: 'In this world you can be addicted to all things. Even food or music.' I replied that I was addicted to food and music, then. (I did not smoke at that time) For I even invaded the other floor in ward eleven just to devour some sandwich from the kitchen.
I trow that 'Devour to survive' is actually true. [Tool's "Vicarious" sentence] I admired him when he went outside only in T-shirt, and it was winter in there. But the most sagacious saying of his was: 'Speaking — that's what keeps us alive.' I spoke with him every now and then, and I tried to understand him, though it was hard. Also we were watching TV in ward 9B and Michael said: 'This is adultery!' and plunged his head into the pillows. That was from the movie Blades of Glory, wherein the character was living a promiscuous life, that's why Michael said this about the adultery.Then they moved me to Ward 11. I met so many patients and nurses on 9B and Eleven. There was one black guy who had extremely long hair and one huge dread-lock he had. I met him once in the corridor, myself wearing a Tool t-shirt, and he said 'Tool, huh? Cool band...' So people are familiar with this great band. Oftentimes he would take two cups of coffee and went outside for a smoke. Life was good there!There I also met Garry. I played ping pong with Michael and with Garry. I still miss them a lot. He prayed for me aloud in Jesus’ name. I said could you pray that I can get in touch with the girl I love and tell her that I love her, I am afraid.He was a bit loony, yet I liked him. He kept saying 'I am Garry!I am Garry!' And he would stand up during dinner and nurse told him to sit down and eat and shut up. 'Shush Garry.', She said. He also asked me if I look into the mirror.There was one guy named Jonathan. He had a goatee. He kept asking me questions about my accident and so on. He called me Josh instead of Joseph. He was hanging around with Dominic. They smoked. I was a bit afraid of him. He said to me: 'You must have lost all your fucking memory.' Maybe he was right. At least I lost some of it. A patient named Aleister said to me “Oh that guy who likes to grow his hair on his chin instead on his head. I don't like him bothering you with those questions.' I see that God is really protecting me everywhere I am located, and this patient was defending me, which was cool. Like in the Czech hospital one guy was also protecting me kind of, even though I didn't need it. There are some nice people out there. I met Jonathan in the city one day. He greeted me ‘Hey Josh!’
All fears went away.It was also in 2008 that I downloaded the audio Bible spoken by Stephen Johnston, and it was pretty good stuff. (King James Version) I listened to the Isaiah in ward 11 and I recall it was very funny.One day there was a cool nurse guy, (For almost every day they changed nurses, who looked after me.) How I love talking in English, folks. This guy and Garry and me were in the parlour where the piano was. Now Garry played the piano pretty good. I joked with that guy about "Smoke on the water". Moreover he mentioned that Garry has the electric guitar, notwithstanding I saw it not. What a shame.One evening I tried to run in the corridor in 11, and I almost ran properly, even though the bruises on my knee and below it was still healing.I also met Aleister (I am not sure about the spelling.) in 9B and he was transferred to 11, too. He was Sort of peevish, he kept on complaining about not much food, no personal TV and stuff... This man recommended me one shop near the hospital, where I bought some chocolate biscuit, which was delicious. After some time I became weary of my life in the ward and felt a strong need to do something, because I did nothing there. I said, like Garry, I want some job. I tried at least to clean the kitchen.One crazy thing was that in the car half-dead I threw away my spectacles saying that they are my wife's. (Albeit I didn't have a wife) So I was without glasses for about 2 weeks and my eyesight was and still is very bad. Then Peter found them in the destroyed car, fixed them and brought them to me. One day was a memorable day for me. I pissed into cups because I didn't want to go to the toilet. Sweated. Felt so good. Afterwards I was listening to the Tool, namely "Ticks and leeches" and I was so wild that I shook myself tremendously on the bed and moved violently and waved my hands. It was very delirious and euphoric feeling. God, I liked it so much. I thank God for he gave me such a wonderful time in New Zealand. I will never forget this holiday in Dunedin. The best holidays ever! Almost everything else in my life was miserable.I don't remember which day it was, but I took a cold shower. Because I tried to set warm water, but the cold water issued instead. Howbeit I endured it, and it felt good, eventually.  Very cleansing and refreshing. Heaven...Then one day we went with one of the patient and a nurse into the city. I wanted to buy some Tool's cds, which I didn't have. I bought "Opiate" and then later with my dad I bought "Undertow". I printed the lyrics and I listened to the cds. Of course I liked them. I asked the nurse about Tool, and she told me that her son played her something. Possibly the song "Disgustipated" because she said something about the cries of the carrots.I really loved the city Dunedin. It was like Elysium for me. I liked particularly the first Church and the railway station. So I admired these buildings.The hole which I made by that four-wheel drive was in some chocolate factory. I saw that gap again with my dad. In Tool's song "Pushit" he sings 'saw that gap again today' is that a coincidence? (indeed, I found personal messages for me in some songs) Also in the song "Jimmy" he sings about Eleven and about coming home. I was coming home (sadly, to Czech, the country that I detest) and was in the Ward 11!
I wasn't so crazy about the idea that my dad is coming for me to Dunedin. For I wanted to stay there, and somehow get out of the hospital. I should also mention that I've been taking pills (anti-psychotic), since my accident happened and am taking similar pills until now.Nonetheless I didn't take my pills on the day I met 〃Z e k i 〃, because when I was pilled I was so damned lethargic and without vitality and energy.
The only day spent with her was also very good. We had some Chinese food, had some chat and then we went to the place called the Unipol, where we played ping pong. O I wanted to say how much I love her, but I was too shy to say that. Nevertheless she had Caris with her, who was her boyfriend. Never mind. I didn't know he was her boyfriend. She's not with him anymore. I could speak to her well, but to express my love towards her was unattainable for me. I am such a loser. But to see her after 1 year of waiting, was a comfort enough.One day I talked with a nurse called Linda, which was very nice and amicable to me. I was talking about my dad and I said 'his wife' referring to my mom. She smiled. I explained: 'I am a bit baffled.' —I understand, said she. 'Why are you in your room so in dark? It is rather too early to go to bed.' I listened to classical music in the evenings. They would come to say that: 'The supper's ready.' around 8 PM. Toasts or some biscuits were usually for supper. I really liked Linda. I said that I will come back and visit her and the others. I wish I could fulfill that.I met some good nursing students from Otago university. They were really nice and all. I had a lengthy conversation with a nurse from Korea. We talked about movies. For example a Korean movie called Oldboy, which was pretty violent. Her boyfriend liked movies, such as "Howl's moving castle", which I loved as well, from Hayao Myiazaki, which I loved as well. I said I Love all his movies. Princess Mononoke, Kiki's delivery service, Spirited away, My neighbour Totoro, Castle in the sky Laputa and Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind- these all made me cry. Absolutely best animations, awesome movies. I loved it. Supposedly he downloaded every day some Asian movie. It was a good practice of English for me.
There was a guitar and I played and one nurse sang! My fingers were injured, with glass splinters in them, but I could still jam a bit. I played "Stairway to heaven" from Led Zeppelin and "Tears in heaven", from Clapton.. similar, isn't it? I had a really good time with those girls. I was seeing that particular nursing student fairly often. We had a good chat then. She would come to me in the morning while I was reading the book of Samuel. She advised me that I should get some work for some time and then maybe try some school. I didn't do that, though. As for the guitar — they let me play it in the evenings, so I enjoyed it. I bought a pick and I played in the evenings, while one woman played cacophony on the piano in the adjacent room.I should mention that my dad arrived in Dunedin, NZ in the beginning of August, so roughly 1 month after I arrived there. One day we were in the internet café and I nearly pissed myself laughing, when one guy showed my the video of the man blowing raspberries. It was such a good feeling. My belly hurt with laughing.
When we were and Mccafe my dad was writing some email to my mother and I knew exactly what he was going to write! It was the telepathy, it was by all means. It's a shame though I had this ability of telepathy just once in Dunedin. I had some absolutely awesome powers at that time. Also I met Zuzana who spoke Czech and she acted as my interpreter and my dad's, even though I spoke English well. I forbad her talking, because I spoke English well enough. The doctor insisted.We were at Zuzana's house with my dad. She had two babies and I played with one of them. They were really sweet. I was laughing so much that my stomach hurt. It is such a good feeling. When I was about to break into a peal of laughter, the child was playing. I also couldn't endure her husband Peter — he was so funny!(It was he who made my stomach hurt by saying some funny words.) Bring it back, please! Also she let us use her computer to call my mom, and we could both see her and speak to her. That was great, I said this is my mom. And Zuzana said 'Your heavenly mother.' That made me smile, she was so nice. Wow. Back in Prague I had this belly laughter feeling twice more. Once when I was in the office. And again when I was listening to the bible — Ezekiel chapter 7.I have to mention also Peter, who was like a daddy to me. He was taking care of me all the time in 9B! He gave advice 'Later you will learn to take a shower every day is better.'
He told me also about my pills that it is called anti-psychotic. I looked it up in my big dictionary my grandfather gave me. I was fond of Peter very much. I will never forget him!Besides, he did give me a book called "An Heart of gold", with pretty pictures. It was about Otago district, and boy, was it beautiful! Unfortunately I lost it.I was also on the Monarch boat with my dad. We saw great creatures: Albatrosses, penguins and the first New Zealand seal, which I have never seen before. I had scratched glasses, yet I saw clearly the beautiful creatures and the sea and the lighthouse.Why was my faith so strong in NZ? But why was it only in there? Weird. For instance, by waving my hand or simply one nod the pedestrian signal turned to green. Another kind of odd example is when we ate a good meal (I had fish.) and an English tea, I wished so much that the credit car payment would not work for some reason. I clenched my guts and it obeyed me. So we paid in cash.
Everyone was so helpful there. Another day, we went to the beach to see the sea. When we got there it was beautiful and it looked like Antarctica to me, but it was probably just clouds. Then one day we went to the Railway station, and we went for a ride on a train. There were many Kelp Gulls which were almost everywhere in Dunedin. I admired them. There was beautiful landscape, I was astounded by the beauty.And one more incident happened. We were in the cinema with my dad on ‘’The Dark Knight’’. It was sort of humid weather and I licked the drops which were on the lamps, for I was thirsty. During the movie, I had a feeling that I saw like unto a reflection of myself. (I said that to the doctor) I was so terrified that I ran out of the cinema in the middle of the movie, and I slid upon the wet ground numerous times. (The people were watching and perhaps smiling.) I was feeling eternal and invincible and immortal at that time (I felt impassible as well). I was inspired by the song "Lateralus" by Tool. 'To swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human.' Because when I banged my head upon the ground I felt no pain! There is also a TOOL lyrics ‘bang my head upon the fault line.’ which might relate to my banging my head on the ground on the Octagon square while sliding on the wet, probably a bit frozen ground. But contrariwise I felt pleasure. It was like in movies, I really slid many meters on ground. That was a great feeling. I felt like a superhero again. I guess I wanted to do some stunt again. During that movie I saw that some actors were hypocritical and over-serious. On the other hand there was the joker (Heath Ledger), who was kind of funny. I liked him. The pencil trick was cool. But I was horrified that the actors in that movie were like myself! I was afraid, so I ran away. Then we took a taxi back to the hospital. I recently found lyrics of the band Between the buried and Me ‘Walking in my own movie’ Well if what I did and what happened to me in New Zealand was filmed, it could most definitely be a good movie!The day I had my court session, I was very nervous so that I couldn't sleep after 5 AM. However, they kept postponing it. When I finally appeared in the court they said I looked like an innocent lamb. Luckily my dad just needed to pay some money for the car and the building. Actually I covered the expenses because I inherited some money from my grandfather when he died. I wasn't even expelled from the New Zealand. So that was really lucky. God bless all the people there!One strange thing was when we were at the police station to receive my passport, which was confiscated after my accident, so that I won't leave the country until my trial was finished. I filled in some paper there about myself. When I started to write that I am single, they crossed it and wrote something different, which I don't know what it was.Also I had these weird dreams. For instance I and the patients from the hospital went from Dunedin to the 'Earth' and performed some stunts to convert the people. Something like Matrix, you know. I felt like I was in Matrix. I remembered the lyrics from Tool, to wit, "The grudge", where he sings 'Let go' I thought I knew what he meant. It's a shame I had these feelings only in Dunedin...Now the day before I left ward 11 I went into my room, and I noticed a lovely star which was on the window. It made me think about the book of Revelation, to wit ,' And I will give him the morning star.' (Revelation 2:28) Another sign from God!Now when I moved to the hotel, where my dad was sojourning, I was much relieved, because of the constant supervision of the hospital staff. In those last days in NZ I had a wonderful emotions and perception of the scripture and of the songs. For instance "Hemispheres" from Rush, or "Father to son" from Queen. I felt during these songs as if God was speaking through those bands. I slept in my The Who t-shirt. I thought that the kingdom of God should immediately appear. Everything was so perfect. The nuts and raisins, the New Zealand apples (the best apple ever.), music and so on. And the good thing was that in restaurants there was a bottle of water on every table for free.Last of all we bought some flowers and delivered them to the wards. In 9B we met Peter and my dad was on the verge of tears. Peter said that when I came first to the ward I was like a puppy.The last moments were at the airport in Auckland. We waited for a long time there. I listened to my Ipod for like 6 hours until the battery was dead. I was sitting there and there was coke spilt on the floor. The man said: 'Frozen cookie, man.' or something like that. Last funny thing in New Zealand, I guess. In the plane I had a great feeling whilst listening to the music again, but not as good as on my Journey there.More? I think I ran out of my New Zealand experiences but If I think of some more I will tell it to the world. Somebody has to know that Heaven can be felt on Earth.I also remember some puns or funny sayings of mine, during my stay there. For instance, I said one evening, when the power was shut: 'That's fucked up.' A nurse said: 'Hey, that's rude!' Or when someone asked me whether I was cold, I reacted: 'I am cold and ugly.' (Another Tool song.) And I replied to some nurse 'It's like blood to a vampire' ("Vicarious" Tool song), just for the heck of it.In addition, I was told by my classmate that I am the living legend, before my trip to NZ. I don't know why, but I don't consider myself a legend. I mean I could have died in New Zealand but I didn't. Maybe If I died I would have been a legend. But I’ll leave it up to you and to God to determine whether I am the Living Legend. :)I may write some reports from doctors in Dunedin. It goes:Josef Machon was admitted to Wakari Hospital on the 6th July 2008. He had been referred by the New Zealand Police after illegally taking and crashing a car. He complains of auditory hallucinations and preoccupation with good and evil on top of a year of feeling things were 'strange', with increased religious thoughts and listening to particular band (Tool).ED note states: "Ranting on way to hospital about the Devil/Serpent and Jesus Christ."… - Seems like I knew that God and Jesus is real in my subconsciousness, because I was in a shock or coma.Josef sustained mild bruising and superficial lacerations in the crash, but these were treated at the Emergency Department.Alcohol and Drugs—Weekly alcohol from about fifteen, but little or none over the previous year. Never any illicit substances.Anyway, I was so confused and baffled during the meetings with doctors that I answered erroneously. Therefore I won't write that, since it is false. But they wrote it, and some of it is the truth, as I say I always try to tell the truth. But I might have said some “overstatements”.So it ended. But I am still in awe because I had so great feelings there of immortality and utter bliss, and not many people felt what I did, I think. Not sure why I had to suffer after I left New Zealand, in unspeakable depressions and sorrow of heart.~NZ story was written in Prague, and around the time I visited Taiwan in 2009.~And in the following years I added things that I discovered, or that re-emerged in my memory.A little addition to the New Zealand / Dunedin complex.I just found a quote on the internet from Mark Twain.After a visit to Dunedin in the mid-1890s, the American writer Mark Twain said: "The people here are Scots. They stopped here on their way to heaven, thinking they had arrived."So the Scots thought that they arrived to Heaven, when they arrived in Dunedin, New Zealand.I felt exactly the same when I arrived in Dunedin, NZ. I thought I am in Heaven/Paradise itself. So even Mark Twain said that Dunedin was like Heaven to the people who arrived there. This only confirms my belief that that place really is Heaven!And also there is a prophet from New Zealand also in Dunedin, who said‘’Dunedin is a gateway city. It was New Zealand's first city. Dun-edin is called to be a garden of Eden. Genesis chapter 2 reveals that the garden of Eden was a place of connection between heavenly and earthly realms. It was a gateway through which the whole earth was blessed. ‘’

Karaoke singing in Helsinki!

Tried singing in Helsinki Karaoke Bar the best song ever made - CEMETERY GATES! Pantera fucking rips. !!!
Check out my singing...

Thank you.

Joseph
H.

My 3 Bible Videos!

I read here my favorite Bible verses, that are funny, and sometimes very gruesome too!

Check it out, really cool Bible verses! :) 

Joseph ''Lop''
Aka Mr. H.

40 days

40 days

my new song, the lyrics are in the video.

Pondering my reality and sorrow and distant memories of the heavenly bliss I felt 10 years ago, which lasted about 40 days.

Thank you.

My New Zealand Experience [Euphoria]

Here's my New Zealand story narrated, everything about the whole Heaven / Bliss / Euphoria / Immortality thing I felt in 2008 in Dunedin, NZ.

Thanks for listening!

Joseph H.

Scotland Trip

I travelled to Scotland on the 7th of June this year. It was an interesting experience. I arrived in the Inverness city, which is at the North Part of Scotland, the main city in the area that is called ''Highlands''. The first two days I spent in a Hotel in a small village called ''Avoch'', it was really a nice place. This is how the Hotel looks like-

And also, I took a walk up the hill in the village, and I just noticed a sign on a fence ''DUNEDIN'' which is the city in New Zealand, which I visited in 2008, where I felt the Euphoria / Heaven.. So I was really thinking to myself, this cannot be a coincidence, that I just chose this village. And the owner of the Hotel told me that some people emigrated to New Zealand from this village. I took a video of the scenery, and the Dunedin sign on the fence.

So after two days I grabbed my luggage and backpack and went back to Inverness (it's about 25 minutes by bus to get there) And on the bus stop I met a girl with Blue Hair. We were smoking cigarettes, waiting for the bus, so I started talking to her, I wanted to talk to some local people, just to get the idea how's life there, etc. She told me she is from the Isle of Skye, and that is a pretty cold place. She told me her boyfriend is from Lithuania or Latvia, I forgot, I always mix up these two countries. And also we talked about music, when I mentioned Maynard and Tool, she said her boyfriend is a big fan of Maynard and Tool, and his other bands. So we made some jokes about it, and then I asked her to show me how to get to the Train Station, because I was going to a village called Aviemore, where I booked a Holiday House for 2 weeks. 
Now Aviemore is a town surrounded by the Mountains on all sides. It's probably the best place for skiing and snowboarding in the whole UK. 
When I arrived in the village, I had to walk to my rented house. I didn't even look into a map, I just walked in the direction I was thinking to myself, this is a small town I will find it without a map. Needless to say I had to ask a few people where is the street with my house.
It was raining and cold the day I arrived, and I had to drag my 18 kilos luggage and a backpack like 5 miles to my house, so my back hurt a bit by the time I got to the house.
Then there was a tricky thing how to get to the house. The owner said there is a safe and I had to put a numbers combination to open it. The code for the safe was 1964, the year Maynard James Keenan was born.  But even though I put the combination and pulled the small tab, the safe still didn't open, and I called the owner, but I still couldn't figure it out. So I just sat on the bench of the garden and started crying, I don't know why, I just thought I am a loser I cannot even do a simple thing like open the safe and get the key. So after about 30 minutes of sorrow and tears, I tried again and finally I got the key, went inside the house, and only lay down on the sofa, and rested, because I didn't sleep at all the previous night, and I was tired from the long walk from the Railway Station as well.
The first few days I felt a bit depressed because I was all alone, and I didn't find anyone to talk to, except through the social media.
The weather in the first 2 weeks was very cold, usually around 13 degrees, rarely more than 17 degrees, always cloudy. One day I decided I wanna go to the mountain, because I looked at the mountains and there was still some snow at the mountain peaks.
But I underestimated the weather, when I got to the mountain base, it was windy as hell, and there was a sleet, it was like rain mixed with snow up there, and I tried going to the top of the Mountain, but the wind was so strong, and I was freezing, I forgot to bring my winter jacket to the Mountain, I just had my hoodie, and it was cold maybe 7 degrees, but the wind and the rain made it worse, so I went half way to the top, then I retreated back to the Mountain base, talked to a few people there, one Ranger there was very friendly, so I talked to him for some time. 
Here's a video I took at the Mountain-

My initial plan was to find a job and accommodation there, because I really love the place, the scenery is magnificent, and it's English Speaking country, so I would love to live there. I even went for a job interview for Home Bargains, which is like a supermarket where they sell all kinds of things. And I could have gotten the job, but the problem was the accommodation, I didn't find any apartment in the village, and staying in the Hotels or Hostels is not good, you gotta have a more permanent place, like a flat or apartment. So I was really disappointed, I took a train back to Inverness. I arrived and some dude showed me a way to a Hostel. 
The City Hostel it was in the city centre, and I slept only like 1 hour, because it was Saturday night and every one was shouting and partying all night until like 5 AM.. So that was really not a good choice, but I do not regret it, because the owner of the Hostel was a nice guy, and we talked for a long time, about many things, and I talked to one French guy there also, I showed him some of my favorite music. And even though there was a job opportunity for me in Inverness (the Hostel owner gave me some contact where I could get a job.) After the experience of the drunk people partying all night, my mind was set on going back to the Village Aviemore again.
I ended up in a hostel in Aviemore, called ''Youth Hostel'' 
I took a video there, as I spotted some rabbits on the grass there. 

and my roommate was a cool guy from Holland, but born in Singapore, and we talked for a long time the next day, shared some life experiences, and we also talked about some philosophical questions, and so on. He went back to Inverness and back to his country the next day. I still didn't give up with finding an apartment or a job. I asked many people, agencies for a place in Aviemore. I found a cheap apartment, and I almost got it, I talked to the woman on phone for a long time, she said this apartment is for senior people or people with disability allowance. So I told her I have disability allowance, I even gave her a translation of the document. I moved to another village Grantown on Spey to a cheap hotel there, for just one night because in Aviemore the Hotels are more expensive. The hotel room was sweltering hot, the weather got hotter in the latter part of June, but I think they left the heating on in the bathroom, making the room temperature ridiculously hot. I made a video about it for fun.

So after a long time filling in the application for the apartment, the next day I got an email with a rejection of my application, because ''You need to have the Disability Allowance coming from the UK, not a different country. So at that point I had kind of given up a chance to live in Scotland, because it seemed impossible to get an apartment, with an affordable rent, so I took a bus back to Aviemore, I connected to the Internet at the railway station, and I decided to go back to my country, disappointed that it didn't work out with the apartment or a job, but I still have hope in the future something will work out... I booked a ticket from Edinburgh to Prague, that was the cheapest one, and I just took a train to Edinburgh from the village.
So yeah, that's about it. I'll share below some pictures I took in Scotland.

This has been Joseph, thank You All for reading!
H.
Peace.